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Each of these real incidents shows different types of woman abusers, or different circumstances worth noting. But keep in mind that there are thousands of these types of cases happening every year all over the world (see FBI, Interpol, UK National Crime Agency, etc., for current estimates and statistics)
1997 – Mary Kay LeTourneau, 34, teacher, pleaded guilty to two counts of felony second-degree rape of a child (age 12). While awaiting sentencing, she gave birth to the boy’s daughter. She reached a plea bargain calling for six months in jail with three months suspended and no contact with the boy for life, among other terms. Shortly after Mary had completed three months in jail, the police caught her in a car with the boy. A judge revoked her plea agreement and reinstated the prison sentence for the maximum allowed by law of seven and a half years. Eight months after returning to prison, she gave birth to the boy’s second child. Mary was imprisoned from 1998 to 2004, spending half a year in solitary confinement for her communication attempts with the boy.
2008 – Christina Butler, 33, a 9th grade special education teacher in Tampa, Florida, pleaded guilty to two counts of unlawful sexual activity with a minor. She admitted to having “sexual relations” with the 15-year-old special needs student more than a dozen times. She was only sentenced to 5 years of sex offender probation and to register as a sex offender. The judge who sentenced her said that the victim (15 at the time and who had been diagnosed with borderline mental retardation), “was probably the more mature and less vulnerable of the two. Perhaps he initiated it.” There was a huge public outcry but the judge refused to change his decision.
2004 – Eileen Rhoads, a Catholic nun, Virginia, was convicted of two felonies for molesting a fifth-grade boy at a Roman Catholic school decades earlier. At the time of the abuse, the perpetrator was 30 and her victim was only 10; at the time of her trial, she was 65 and the survivor was 45. She received a 10-year suspended prison sentence, six months in the city jail, and was ordered to undergo treatment and avoid contact with minors. She apologized for her actions. After the allegations against Eileen surfaced, two additional men came forward to say that as young boys, they had also been sexually abused by Eileen. With one boy the abuse allegedly included kissing and sexual touching; it happened in his 6th grade homeroom classroom and also at Eileen’s apartment. A second victim asserted he was molested almost daily while in Eileen’s 6th grade class and that Eileen forced him to have intercourse with her over 30 times at her apartment. The statute of limitations laws precluded filing criminal charges in that case.
2008 – Sister Norma Giannini, a Catholic nun, Milwaukee, was sentenced to a year in jail and 10 years of probation for molesting two boys decades earlier. The two victims, now in their 50s, “pleaded for prison time for the woman they called ‘Mother Superior’ and said the abuse ruined their lives.” A psychologist employed by the Catholic Archdiocese told prosecutors that Norma appeared before a panel looking into sexual abuse back in 1996. Apparently Norma had admitted to sexual contact with four other young boys, including one from Chicago. The Sisters of Mercy had also removed Norma from service in 1992 when the Milwaukee archdiocese notified the order of allegations against her. But even after Norma’s confession was obtained in 1996, no one contacted any legal authorities. At one point in a 1996 interview, a panel asked, “What do you think that these kids thought?” Norma replied, “They were sowing their oats. How many teenagers would resist that opportunity?”
James St. Patrick, 53, said he was 12 when the abuse occurred. “It happened more than 100 times in seventh and eighth grade,” he said, in the classroom and even in church. For years he blamed himself and had trouble holding a job, turned to alcohol and drugs and became suicidal. “Please don’t give her a pass with probation . . . she belongs in prison,’ he said.
Another victim, Gerald Kobs, 55, cried in court as he described how his childhood and adulthood had been destroyed by the abuse he suffered as an eighth-grader — at the convent, school, his own bedroom, and the family room. He tried to tell his mother he needed to go to a different school, but his requests were ignored since Norma was a popular nun and friendly with his divorced mother.
Norma admitted to abusing the two boys when they were just middle school age and admitted to abusing four others — one of which killed himself.
Due to her age and health at the time of sentencing, the judge stayed her original 10 year sentence and only gave her 1 year in jail. The judge said some confinement was needed as punishment for what he termed the “evil destruction, pure heartache . . . and deviant sexual behavior” she inflicted on “young and impressionable boys.”
2014 – Terrie Sena, 43, Las Vegas, pleaded guilty to sexually abusing several children, including her own children. Police have described the case as one of the worst sexual abuse crimes they have encountered in Clark County. Some of the acts were recorded on video equipment, and some involved a pet dog. Terrie is an ex-wife of Christopher Sena, who, along with his second wife, Deborah, were also charged in the case. According to court documents, Terrie Sena said she became attracted to one of her victims, a 14-year-old boy, because he “reminded her of a younger Christopher.” She admitted having sexual contact with their son and step-son. At Christopher’s trial, Terrie claimed she was coerced into the sex acts, fearing Christopher would hurt her or take her kids away. Several of the abused children corroborated her claim that Christopher was violent and often threatened everyone in the family, however, the children defended the second wife, Deborah, more than Terrie, implying that Terrie seemed like a more willing participant.
2016 – Jillian LaFave, 25, a Las Vegas, Nevada Special Education teacher, was arrested for having sex with one of her special needs male students. She was actually caught in a sex act with her victim at school. She had also exchanged more than 13,000 text messages with her victim. She eventually pleaded guilty to “Sexual Conduct Between Certain Employees or Volunteers of School and Pupil and Open or Gross Lewdness.” She was sentenced to 14 to 36 months in prison followed by 3 years of probation.
2018 – Shannon Moser, a North Dakota middle school teacher, married to a local pastor and they have four children, was sentenced to 15 years in prison for child abuse. She pleaded guilty to sexual assault, gross sexual imposition, and four counts of luring minors by computer by sending students nude photos and videos. sent 100’s of explicit photos to two male students prior to having sex with one of them. Police also found URLs on her cell phone’s browsing history “for explicit websites that included younger boys physically engaging with older women.”
2012 – Christine McCallum, a Mass. teacher was convicted of having sex with a 13-year-old boy over 300 times. She tutored the boy for 2 years. Christine pleaded guilty to 12 counts of child rape, one count of drugging a person for sex and one count of providing alcohol to a minor. was sentenced to just under two-and-a-half years in prison. She also received 10 years’ probation. The boy gave a victim impact statement in court, saying McCallum destroyed his life. A prosecutor read a statement from his father calling McCallum “a true predator and monster.”
2015, Kelly Lynn South, 40, Louisville was sentenced to 16 years in prison on charges of incest, sodomy and sexual abuse involving her young son. According to an arrest report, the mother, then 38 years old, admitted to performing oral sex on the boy and engaging in other inappropriate activities with the child between September 2012 and September 2015. (Note: While I was researching/confirming this example, 5 American news articles about this made NO mention of the fact that the abused child was a boy. Only in articles posted by foreign news agencies and in actual court records was I able to confirm that her abused child was a boy. Perhaps this is an example of casual social downplaying when it comes to boys abused by women. It could be a coincidence, but I was surprised that most American news sources would only say… “Kelly Lynn South, 40, was sentenced to 16 years in prison on charges of incest, sodomy and sexual abuse.”)
2019 – Nathalie Gulyas, 36, of Colorado, was sentenced to “an indeterminate sentence of 10 years to life in the Department of Corrections, with 20 years to life on parole” for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy she was tutoring. The exact charge was “sexual assault on a child by a person in a position of trust as a pattern of abuse, sexual exploitation of a child and internet sexual exploitation of a child.” She had been the adolescent boy’s academic tutor, eventually moving into his house. His mother reported the crime to law enforcement when she discovered them kissing.
2021 – Astrid Hilton, 62 year-old-woman, UK, has been sentenced to six years and eight months in prison after pleading guilty to nine counts of sexually abusing a child. Astrid Hilton began abusing the boy in 2004 when he was seven-years-old, forcing him to engage in sexual activity over a webcam to show off for pedophiles around the world. She even allowed a pedophile, who flew to the UK from Canada, to molest the child. Hilton was finally caught when the victim, who is now 24, reported her to the police. She admitted nine counts, including indecently assaulting a child, and was jailed for six years and eight months at Northampton Crown Court. The court heard Hilton preyed on the boy in 2004 and abused him on a webcam for online pedophiles around the world.
Detective Sergeant Andrea Taylor, who led the investigation, said: “I am incredibly proud of the young man in this case who has shown courage beyond measure in reporting what happened to him as a boy to the police and seeing this case through to its end.”
“As for Astrid Hilton, she is now where she belongs. And when that cell door closes every night, I hope she feels disgusted with herself and remembers the prison in which she caged this young man the moment she laid a hand on him. For nearly 16 years she thought she had escaped justice. But thanks to his bravery, we were able to get her in the end.”
2005, Deborah La Fave, 25, a middle school teacher in Florida faced up to 15 years in prison for having sexual intercourse and oral sex with a 14-year-old male student. The case was highly sensationalized in the national press. Photos of Deborah on a motorcycle in a bikini quickly surfaced on the internet. Eventually she pleaded guilty to two counts of “lewd and lascivious battery” and was sentenced to three years of “house arrest” followed by seven years of probation. Prosecutors said that the plea deal was reached at the request of the victim’s family because their son had been through so much sensationalized media publicity. Deborah’s attorneys also claimed that she was too pretty to be sent to prison. “To place Debbie into a Florida state women’s penitentiary, to place an attractive young woman in that kind of hellhole, is like putting a piece of raw meat in with the lions.”
2011 – Stacy Schuler, a popular high school gym and health teacher in Ohio, was on trial for having sex with her students and sentenced to four years in prison. Over a five-month period of time, Stacy had sex with five high school students and supplied alcohol and pot. Schuler’s lawyers defended her actions with explanations ranging from her vegan diet, the use of the antidepressants, blackouts from alcohol and even irritable bowel syndrome, claiming it rendered her unable to determine right from wrong. The prosecution claimed that Schuler knew exactly what she was doing, and even how she would protect herself if she was ever caught. ‘She told me that if anybody ever found out that she already had her defense planned out and she would try and say that she was insane,’ one of the students said in court.” After only one year in prison, her request to get out on “early release” was approved by the same male judge. He noted she had been attending weekly Alcoholics and Co-Dependents Anonymous classes and classes on domestic violence and boundary setting and attending church services and getting psychological treatment. (It is hard to find any case where a male teacher-offender got “early release” for attending classes and church and therapy.)
2024 – Divorced mom of two Hailey Clifton-Carmack, 26 admitted having rough sex with a 16-year-old student while others served as her “lookouts.” She may only have to spend three months behind bars if she goes through sex rehab. She was sentenced to four years in prison — but with most of it being suspended if she completes a rehabilitation program for sex offenders. She left fingernail marks on the boy’s back. The boy’s father, Mark Creighton, was also arrested for endangering the welfare of a child after another witness told cops that the dad knew about the sexual relationship and did not report it. Court documents revealed the father knew his son and his teacher used students as “lookouts” — particularly when they had sex during school hours.
2019 – Brittany Zamora, Arizona, a married elementary school teacher was sentenced to 20 years in prison for child molestation. Police reports described how she had sex with the 11-year-old boy multiple times in her car and classroom. The two even sexually touched each other while her sixth-grade class was in session. Brittany’s attorney implied that the underage victim seduced Zamora and emphasized the fact that he was technically a teenager. An investigation launched by the victim’s family indicated that three students expressed their concerns — in writing — about the boy and his teacher in 2018, but the principal did not report the information to law enforcement. The district denied that the information told to the principal at that time rose to the level of needing to be reported under Arizona statute. It was not until a few weeks after the rumors were reported that Zamora and her victim “had sex” for the first time. Prior to that, their exchange was inappropriate notes, texts and photos.
2023 – A 26-year-old NSW (New South Wales, Australia) Central West woman was sentenced to four years and four months jail for multiple counts of sexual intercourse with a person aged between 10 and 14. The boy, 12 at the time, says he feels “dirty and angry” because of how she took advantage of him. The first incident occurred, when the boy was asleep on a mattress in a home and woke to the woman kissing him. A few months later, the boy was at home when the woman knocked on his bedroom window and asked him to let her in. He thought she was intoxicated and let her in before he went back to his bed. The court heard the woman followed him and undressed herself, put her arms around him and said she was “going to take the opportunity”. Despite asking her to stop, the woman raped him. On two other occasions, the court heard the woman had driven him to motels, where she raped him.
2024 – Rebecca Joynes groomed both boys from the age of 15, first exchanging messages on social media. She sexually abused two schoolboys and became pregnant by one of them. The 30-year-old was previously convicted of four counts of sexual activity with a child and two counts of sexual activity with another child. She was sentenced to six-and-a-half years. Joynes was 28 when she had come out of a nine-year relationship and was “flattered” by the attention of teenage schoolboys. Joynes gave birth in early 2024, with the child being taken away from her within 24 hours.
In a victim impact statement: “I struggled to come to terms with my abuse, I was completely in denial.” During the trial, he said he felt he had “betrayed someone I love and done wrong by giving evidence” but had since realized “the full extent” of the abuse and “tactics used”. He said he was “coerced, controlled, manipulated, sexually abused, and mentally abused”, adding: “I will forever be Rebecca‘s victim and forever linked to her through our child.” CCTV shows teacher Rebecca Joynes buying a £350 Gucci belt for a boy she groomed.
2024 – Angela Barnes, 45-year-old, Texas Middle School Teacher, had a “sexual relationship with an underage boy throughout the months of June and July 2024” The police detectives arrested Angela Barnes on the charges of sexual assault of a child and improper relationship between an educator and student. The boy was one of Barnes’ former students, according to police. Barnes was a teacher at Carroll Middle School, according to the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. The school is located in Southlake, Texas, a northwest suburb of Dallas.
2011 – Kaci Suzanne Pomerenke, 31, former middle school teacher, in Texas, pleaded guilty to having sexual intercourse with one of her 14-year-old male students on multiple occasions. Kaci was sentenced to 3 days in jail and 7 years probation.
2021 – Monica Elizabeth Young (23 at time of abuse), a former teacher, confessed and has been jailed for four years and nine months – maximum sentence – for sexually assaulting a 14-year-old boy from a Western Sydney school. Young told the teenager to hug and touch her when they met up in person, taunting him by saying he “did not have the balls”. The judge accepted she was in a “bad relationship” at the time, was immature, and did not go into teaching to be near young males for sexual gratification. The victim told the court his life had “changed dramatically” for the worse since Young’s abuse.
2004 – Florida teacher Debra Lafave, 24, had a sexual relationship with one of her students, 14. The boy had sex with Lafave three times in four days, according to court documents. She performed a sex act on him multiple times, including during one encounter at her home. In November 2006, Lafave pleaded guilty in Hillsborough County court to two counts of lewd and lascivious behavior. In court, she offered her “deepest apologies” to the boy and his family and said she was “deeply remorseful.” She also disclosed that she was undergoing treatment for bipolar disorder. “My greatest regret would probably be the fact that I put this young man through this,” she said in court. She was sentenced to three years house arrest and seven years probation and was required to register as a sex offender.
2023, Boy left unclothed after Burgess Hill sexual assault by two women. He also had injuries to his head and body, Sussex Police have said. The 15-year-old was walking along Cants Lane in Burgess Hill before heading through a wooded area towards World’s End on 4 June. Both women were between 18 and 20 years old, one being 6ft 3in (1.9m) tall and with bright dyed red hair. She was wearing blue shorts and black crop top with pink Air Jordan trainers, and had glasses, a police spokesman said. The other was about 5ft 9in (1.75m) tall with long white blonde hair and spoke with a Merseyside accent. Police are still searching for the suspects.
Aaron Gilmore was 11 when he was sexually abused by a family friend who he regarded as a second mother. But when he reported it to police years later they told him they couldn’t see what crime had taken place. Now a father-of-two children and the owner of a dancing school in Auckland, Mr Gilmore told news.com.au the grooming began after Hendrika Margaret Shaskey noticed he was a troubled kid craving attention. He said of the abuse which went on until he was 18.
“She (Shaskey) was genuinely nice to me,” he said. “I didn’t have that kind of relationship with my own mother, I even called her my second mother. “She won my trust.” He began to stay over and eventually moved in with Shaskey after his parents accepted her home was closer to his high school.
What started as hugging and kissing on the cheek soon progressed to much more but as the months wore on he said he became more uncomfortable with the situation. But when he told her he wanted out, she “burst into tears” and threatened to tell his parents, telling him it was all his fault.
“I was a shell, I shut down, I just existed,” he said. Feeling trapped, he felt he had no choice but to stay. He managed to escape the situation when he was 18. But it wasn’t until he went to counseling at 22 that he finally had the courage to report what took place. With the help of his partner and mother of his two children he went to the police.
The police reaction was one he will never forget. “The officer said ‘I’m failing to see a crime here’ and my partner lost it,” he said.
While justice was eventually served, Mr Gilmore said it has been a long road to recovery and he still struggles with society’s view of sexual abuse. He also said people needed to stop thinking men or boys enjoyed such abuse or that it was “good practice” as that wasn’t helping men talk about it.
She was jailed for five years for the sexual violation of Mr Gilmore in 2003. Initially, Shaskey was charged with cruelty to a child but this was upgraded to sexual violation. While Aaron, a NZ Dancing with the Stars performer has learned to cope with what took place during his formative years, it left him feeling numb and like a shell. He said he felt he was unable to escape from the abuse.
Ken Clearwater was 12 years old when he said he was sexually violated by a woman and asked to do things he could never comprehend and was left scarred, ashamed and broken. He never reported that abuse or named the woman involved, fearing society wouldn’t believe him.
Already having suffered a rape at the hands of a man, he never expected to be abused by a woman. “She sexually violated me and wanted me to do things to her that I couldn’t even comprehend,” Clearwater said of the second assault.
That abuse destroyed the tiny amount of innocence and trust he had left.
“She made me lie on the bed beside her, she started touching me sexually and got me to touch her,” he told news.com.au. “I was scared and couldn’t get an erection, and she laughed at me and said I wasn’t a real man, and she was right I was a frightened boy. “After the abuse that happened to me I went from a happy little boy to a nasty angry sarcastic person.”
More than 50 years later, the father of “two beautiful daughters” still has difficulty trusting women. “I struggle with relationships with women and feel that when I am in it I am trapped,” he said.
At 14 the young Ken was expelled from school for a confrontation with a teacher, lost his job at the freezer works for striking the foreman and was arrested for attacking two police officers in the 1980s.
“I started drinking alcohol at 12 and smoked cigarettes. It wasn’t until 1972 I found marijuana, opium, LSD, cocaine etc. All these things helped get me through the tough times.
“The biggest problem was alcohol as I always got violent whereas the marijuana helped me relax and forgot about the s*** spinning around in my head.” He took up boxing to feel “more like a man” and as a way of channeling his aggression.
The 63-year-old who is the manager of Male Survivors of Sexual Abuse Trust (MSSAT) in Christchurch, said he believes sexual abuse at the hands of both men and women, remained massively under reported. “When the perpetrator is a woman there is the fear you won’t be believed or that you shouldn’t complain and you should count yourself lucky,” he said. “People seem to think being a male victim is not as bad as being a female victim and that if the perpetrator is a female the damage isn’t as bad not realizing the psychological damage it can do and especially if that female is a mother.
“As in many countries males have been seen as perpetrators and not victims and our country is having trouble coming to terms with female perpetrators.”
Mr Clearwater said research conducted by Dr Tess Patterson from the University of Otago with nine of his clients revealed all had been sexually abused by males and half at the hands of women.
“Many of the men we work with have been abused by females of all the men we have worked with only one has ever been to the police and reported it,” he said.
At a TED talk in Queenstown, Mr Clearwater said one in six boys will be sexually abused before their 16th birthday. “We will never know how many boys and girls are being sexually abused some live with shame and guilt who take their own lives,” he said. “Sexual abuse and violence is a human rights issue not a gender issue.” He said until we accept this, male victims of sexual abuse and violence will continue to be treated in a manner that is both unfair and unjust.
Online Chat forum:
Bob – “My abuse started very young by my mom but was pleasurable and I soon loved to please her. In my late teens I was confused as knowing it was so wrong but felt good. Took me a few years to figure it out. I have normal relationships which my mom has always encouraged but am still close to her. Does not make it right. Maybe I still have not figured it out. I have learned to accept that this is not who I am. This is something that was done to me, not something I wanted or asked for, and my reactions are natural, and this is how my mind is healing from it.”
Tangelo – “My abuser was my sister. She was 8 years older so like a second mother and for much of my life primary caregiver. I still deal with the idea that pain equals love. She took a lot from me, but I never hated her no matter how bad it got, and it was bad. There was a lot of anger and some resentment but never hate. It has left me with a lot of issues, I am still in therapy, and I never had kids because I don’t trust myself.”
From Psychology Today…
(abbreviated version Stuart’s story)
Stuart was 10-16 when he has sexual relations with his mother. His father was an alcoholic who often fell asleep in front of the TV. Then his mother would come into Stuart’s bedroom to wake him and have him sleep with her in his parents’ bed. She would spoon with him, her arms and legs over him and her breasts firmly against him.
Often, he would awaken in the middle of the night with his mother on top of him. He remembered getting erections from this, and since he was enjoying the contact, he blamed himself. He never believed she knew what she was doing. This continued until he was 16-years-old. “It didn’t bother me then. It is a little weird as I think back on it now.”
During the day his mother dressed in low-cut blouses and dresses that showed off her cleavage, and never wore a bra. His male teachers and friends commented on how beautiful and seductive she was. In the house, she often walked from bathroom to bedroom wearing only panties, seemingly oblivious to anyone around her. At clothing stores, she would bring him into her dressing room while she changed. He explained it was because he was young and there’d be no one to watch him if she left him out in the store. However, she did this until he was 15-years-old.
She would walk into the bathroom while he showered and even when he urinated. Until he turned 14, she would often insist on drying him off, which he recalled as “affectionate motherly love.” She would joke that he was better endowed than his father.
When Stuart was in his 20s, he once told his mother that she should cover up and not wear clothes that exposed so much cleavage. She became angry, said that was “his problem,” not hers, and gave him the cold shoulder for the rest of the day.
When Stuart was 37, he started playing mother and son incest fantasies with his wife. She did not like the fantasy at first but eventually went along with acting it out with him because it turned him on so much. She knew he looked at porn of mother and son adult incest. Initially, she didn’t mind because it reduced the amount of time he played it out with her, but eventually, she felt the porn had become compulsive with him and he agreed.
When he first went to therapy, he was defensive about blaming his fantasies on his mother. “I’m not here to discuss my mother. I’m here to talk about sexual addiction and my breakup and how I’ll be able to move on from it!”
Over time, however, Stuart was able to admit that his mother was sexual with him. He made several attempts to talk with his mother, but she never admitted to anything, replying that she “couldn’t remember,” and that he was exaggerating much of what he recalled.
With continued therapy, his sexual interests in mother and son incest reduced greatly. The fantasies, porn, and play with his wife remained with him, but he became able to control these fantasies instead of them controlling him. He went from trauma re-enactment to trauma play – which can be part of a healing process (search google for trauma play therapy to learn more).
Excerpt from Behind the Façade: Exposing Female Sex Offenders and Helping Abuse Victims to Heal by Julie A. Brand, 2021
Chance encounter…
Cautiously he began to disclose. “It happened to me and I’ve never told anybody . . . not even my wife.”
“It . . . It was my best friend’s mom. I don’t really know why or how it happened. Well, I do know how but it still makes no sense to me. I’d gone over to his house to get him for something we were gonna go do. I can’t even remember what—maybe go play basketball or something.”
“Had you been to his house before?” I asked.
“Oh, yeah. I hung out over there a lot. His mom was real nice to us.”
“So, you felt totally comfortable around her?”
“Yeah. That’s just it. I never would have dreamed she’d do something like that.” He proceeded to tell me how his friend wasn’t home yet from some errand and his mom said he could just wait for him—he’d be back soon. She gave him some milk and cookies and they talked for a while.
“Then, I don’t know. . . the next thing I knew she had me in her bedroom and she’s taking off my clothes and kissing me and telling me how cute I am and . . . and then she’s doing oral sex on me and I didn’t even know what that was.” He didn’t know what to do. His friend came home and the mom just acted all “normal.”
“I just said I didn’t feel good and walked home. I thought maybe I’d imagined it or something. Then a couple months later at his house, she cornered me and started kissing me and touching me again and I just ran out. I never went back. I totally dumped my friend and I feel bad because he never even knew why. I couldn’t tell him.”
“Look, you need to understand,” he said. “I’m not all messed up. I have a good job and a great wife and three kids. I don’t think about this all the time, but it’s just always there in the back of my mind somewhere. I still ask myself, why me and what did I do to cause it? Did I come on to her somehow? What did I do wrong? What should I have done differently?”
“It sounds like in some ways, you blame yourself for the abuse,” I asserted.
He nodded, “Maybe I do. I mean I’m a guy—I’m supposed to always be in control.” “How old were you when your friend’s mother sexually assaulted you?” I asked, thinking probably a teenager.
He answered in a whisper that will haunt me forever, “I was eight.”
Site visitor: “I was a scrawny 12 boy, she was about 30 — I think — and my babysitter for the weekend while my parents were out of town. It started as a silly game when I laid down to rest and she decided to “nap” beside me, then there was a bit of playing doctor, then a home video recorder camera became part of the game. I loved the attention and satisfying my curiosity about the female body. The next 2 days, she pretended like nothing happened. She never asked for the tape or even mentioned anything about what we did. Part of me wondered if she found the tape and erased it while I was at school or something, or did she really think it was okay that there was a recording of what happened. Months later I destroyed the tape, so embarrassed that I acted like I enjoyed any of it and I clearly took casual initiative several times when the camera was on — no proof of how it all really started.
I was so confused. At the time, I never told anyone, which was unlike me… I would often brag to friends about any attention I got from a girl — but not this, too embarrassing, too unbelievable, I think. Soon I felt like I was gross or like I did something wrong and didn’t please her enough to deserve any more attention from her. As confusing as the event was, the rejection afterward somehow actually hurt my desperate-for-attention brain. Later I wondered if somehow I seduced her, like a typical evil male predator — because women “didn’t pursue such things, especially with little boys.” Briefly I even tried to make myself believe that I dreamed it or made it all up. I always feared people wouldn’t believe me, I even now I can see by online comments on news sites that disbelief is still a possibility, so I mostly keep it to myself.
Part of me wishes I kept the video, but I also dread the idea it might have ever been seen by anyone. It all really confused me, especially the back and forth of being disgusted and then somehow hurt that she wanted nothing more to do with me. I realize now that this event compounded my sense of loneliness at the time and continued rejection from women. For a time, it made me believe that all women were secretly whorish and any lack of interest in having sex with me was a personal rejection, killing what little self-esteem I had.
Today I suspect she was either a narcissist or maybe she had other sexual encounters when she was young and really thought it was actually normal what we did. So strange. I still cringe every time I think about it, like I’m dirty or something, and I’m often sad that I had no one that I felt I could talk to about it at the time. But lately, I think I’m finally starting to accept that the problem was her and it is not up to me to justify it or explain it in a way to satisfy others.
Stories posted on sesamenet.org (support for people sexually abused by teachers)
Michael’s Story – Michael was a 10 year old boy, starting 6th grade. His teacher was a married woman. Years later he married her. After 13 years of her controlling him and belittling, he admitted to himself and his family the perverted nature of their relationship that began as a child. Feeling worthless and a failure, Michael committed suicide. Read whole story HERE.
Jason’s story – The sexual “affair” with his teacher lasted several years. He even traveled with the teacher and her husband, having sex while the husband was away. Years later, Michael attempts legal action but he can’t find a lawyer or prosecutor willing to proceed with charges against her. He confronts his abuser with a letter and eventually an in-person meeting. She apologizes and he feels himself falling into the same trap when she flatters him. Read whole story HERE.
Paul’s story – He was 8 and 13 when the abuse occurred. During sleepovers at at friends house, the friend’s mother would expose herself, and threaten very sexual spankings. Eventually she followed through, spanking Paul with his pants down. She also insisted on bathing him and drying him off. Read whole story HERE.
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