Why would any woman sexually abuse a young boy?
There does not appear to be one answer that fits all cases, and different perpetrators and psychologists have offered several possible motivations. Here are some…(greatly summarized and simplified) general examples of “why” that come up from research with female sexual abusers…
- Coercion: Some women may be in an abusive relationship where they are being forced to perpetrate sexual acts on a minor, for pictures to sell or for the gratification of their abusive spouse.
- Narcissistic personality disorder: Their satisfaction and happiness always feels justified — they feel no real sympathy towards anyone. Nothing is immoral to them. They will only act kind and good as a tool to get what they want. Such people may have a biological impairment that makes them this way, or extensive trauma is speculated to create such selfish people. But the reason they are selfish is irrelevant. Their “why” is a byproduct of simply being selfish and only seeing a young boy as another tool to gain gratification from.
- Sexualized Conditioning: Having been raised in a household where incest is common, they may actually believe it is normal and appropriate to enjoy sexual experiences with anyone. To them, things like tickling and sexual behaviors are the same — equally fun and permissible. Love and affection and sex are interwoven. They only push for secrecy because “other people just wouldn’t understand.”
- Sense of power/control: A woman might crave intimacy, but for a variety of reasons, they may feel intimidated or uncomfortable with an adult partner. This may make them feel more in control of their sexuality. They may also the sense of loyalty they may feel by being romantically involved with a minor who admires and consistently aims to please the woman.
- Validation: The attention of a younger male may give a sense of validation if the women had intense feelings of rejection or unattractiveness when they were younger. This would allow them, perhaps on an unconscious level, to feel that they are finally pretty enough to attract the type of young boy who used to reject them. These women might be considered emotionally arrested teenagers themselves.
Sometimes there seems to be one “why” that fits a particular case, but often it appears that there are overlapping “whys.” The research into “why” some women do such things is still in its infancy and there is plenty of debate on how much nature vs nurture vs trauma plays a part in any incident. No one website or book is going to solve this. For the purpose of this website — healing — the possible “whys” listed here are merely to serve as an aid to help men see that there could be many reasons it happened — the important point is that the problem was not them.
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